So the spring has sprung, and with it my desire to go everywhere I ever have been in sunny times. I want to read Virginia Woolf on the beaches of St. Malo; meander along Dawson's boardwalks; ride Stanley Park's complimentary shuttle through all the greenery; play cards at Silver Lake and then make the long walk back downtown to collapse on B-Street's patio. Not gonna lie, mostly I just want to do the last one. Still, Guelph in the summer has potential. For now though, I've got a week to write a paper on CBC Radio3 and Canadian regionalism. Which also has potential. I suppose.

Below is an example of why I stopped blogging in the first place. Wayyyyyy too much angst. All went well, I feel supported. Not entirely convinced that anything worthwhile actually goes on at such conferences, but nevertheless. Soooo much free juice and cookies.

I can't. . . .I have to study

Tomorrow is the major colloquium for all of the masters students in the drama/English program. I also feel as though it's going to be the moment where I decide whether or not I'm going to continue past the masters level, with my one-foot-in-academia-and-the-other-in-the-theatre plan, or just go for the theatre whole hog. That in and of itself might not seem unusual. But what is unusual is that I'm not basing my decision on my performance in the colloquium. I'm basing my decision on whether or not the rest of my classmates show up. We've all been agonizing over this together, and we're all supposed to go to everyone else's panels, but I'm in the first panel of the day, and from the rumblings I'm hearing, it seems like everyone is planning to skip the morning panel to polish/finish their presentations. This kind of situation seems to be endemic to this program/Guelph/academia in general. Study before life. Study before fun. Study before supporting friends. Above all, study. I hate this mindset and think it's a stupid and unnecessary way to run your life. And if, tomorrow, I don't see some sort of glimmer of team spirit and solidarity, then I'm getting my degree and getting out, out, far out. Because the self-involvement of the most utterly spoiled actor ain't got nothing on the narcissism of academics.

Smoosh

Awkward turtles in class today. We start telling the prof there's no way we can get our papers done for next week, he says fine, he won't take off late marks, but then lays in with a massive guilt trip about how Good Graduate Students Obey Deadlines etc etc. Does not really bother me, but two of the girls in the class are in tears. One of them is sitting beside me, and even though she's a wonderful person and I feel bad that she's crying, I can't even bring myself to touch her on the knee or the shoulder or do anything comforting that would show that I cared. And walking home one of my other classmates starts talking about how she's at her breaking point and is just really really in need of a hug. And instead of responding with a hug I just make some joke, which I can't even remember now, so we can rest assured that it wasn't a good joke. Apparently physical affection is just not in me to give these days. Was it ever? I want to be warm to people, and treat them the way I would like to be treated if I was in their situation, but I freeze.

This blog is quickly degenerating into feelings. Comic relief comic relief!

http://failblog.org/2009/03/01/language-fail-3/

Failblog shall see me through.

Adventures in academic excess

Proposal for 8-page, 10-minute colloquium presentation=400 words. Rational.

Accompanying bibliography=38 sources. IRRATIONAL.

Some day I am going to have to learn how to focus my research. However, that day is obviously not today.

Also, at this point I'm not saying anything that hasn't already been said. Said by one of the profs in my department, to be exact. Dear me.

However I can take solace in the fact that the prof marking this ridiculousness specializes in Victorian Women's Lit. So I'm fairly confident in my ability to say anything about rural Canadian theatre and get away with it.

THIS JUST IN: Rural theatre in Canada started with a travelling troupe of NARWHALES under the direction LOUIS RIEL.

Yep. Academia and I are going to get along fine.

Back from Chicago after the perfect amount of time spent there. We still had some stuff left on the list but I was at my limit of pavement-pounding, museum-ogling, L-train riding urban American goodness. Highlights include: riding the flying raccoon (an airline Zara and I can agree on), various encounters with gruff Chicagoans (man are they gruff), cafe/bar-hopping through North Chicago whilst waiting for Second City to start, argument about Combos over delicious Cajun dinner, winding up in the middle of a kazillion little cheerleaders at Navy Pier (which really ignited my feminist ire). Etc etc.

Now I'm back and ready to work like a fiend for the rest of this break. Getting back to Toronto/Guelph I felt no sense of happiness/relief/home. I am trying to love this place but just can't make a connection to it. I feel the same way towards Vancouver. Maybe I'm just a very black-and-white person, I don't like something at all until I'm head-over-heels for it. Maybe I'm built for rural lands. Maybe living the grad-student life is not conducive to connecting to the community. Maybe maybe maybe. I will continue to ponder this.

For shame Ontario!

One of my profs today started describing a liberal arts college to us, stating, "these don't exist in Canada, only in America."

And I was all, like, "ummmmm, if they don't exist in Canada, then how did I go to one?"

This led to a rather long (and completely off-topic for the course) exchange where he explained to me what exactly a liberal arts college was, and I explained to him that yes, Mount A and St FX and Acadia were indeed that.

But seriously folks. I don't expect a layman off the streets of Ontario to know of these schools, but somebody in academia should know. There aren't that many Canadian universities to keep track of, dudes!

I'm also discovering that nobody in Ontario knows what an Acadian is. Seriously? I learned about them in high school and that was way the hell over in BC. A province as close to the Maritimes as Ontario should definitely be teaching this stuff to their youth.

Okay, enough bitterness. I think I am just run down today and when that happens, I take out my anger on the province. Like railing against whitey, it calms me down.